THE END OF CIVILIZATION AS WE KNOW IT: The Boston Celtics, who have more tradition than any NBA franchise, unveiled awful alternate uniforms this week that look like they are moonlighting for the Department of Sanitation.
QUOTE OF THE WEEK: Brooklyn Nets coach Lionel Hollins, after watching center Brook Lopez get abused by Minnesota’s Nikola Pekovic:
“There’s always a badder man than you in the prison.”
TANKS A LOT!: According to Hoopshype, the roster of the winless Philadelphia 76ers – minus injured veteran guard Jason Richardson, whose return to the league is questionable – has less NBA experience than Real Madrid of the Spanish ACB and the Texas Legends of the D-League.
LINE OF THE WEEK: DeMarcus Cousins, Sacramento vs. Denver, Nov. 5: 22 minutes, 10-14 FGs, 10-11 FTs, 11 rebounds, one assist, two steals, 30 points in a 131-109 win. Imagine how many points and rebounds Boogie would have had if he didn’t foul out.
LINE OF THE WEAK: C.J. Miles, Indiana vs. Milwaukee, Nov. 4: 29 minutes, 0-8 FGs, 0-5 3-pointers, 0-0 FTs, one rebound, one assist, one block, three fouls, two turnovers, zero points in an 87-81 loss. This is pretty par for the course thus far for Miles, who is shooting 16-of-63 (.254) overall and 5-of-29 (.172) from the arc.
TRILLION WATCH: Lakers rookie Jordan Clarkson appeared to have the week’s best disappearing act with a 4 trillion Tuesday vs. Phoenix before Hawks guard Shelvin Mack turned in quite a weekend. Surpassed in the rotation by Dennis Schroder, Mack had a 2 trillion Friday at Charlotte and a 5 trillion Saturday vs. New York. Honorable mention to Heat forward Josh McRoberts, who wrecked a perfectly awful 6 trillion Tuesday vs. Houston by committing four fouls.
GAME OF THE WEEK: San Antonio at Golden State, Nov. 11. The Spurs are banged up, struggling to find their rhythm and will be coming off a meeting with the loaded LA Clippers the previous night. The league-leading Warriors won’t care and will be looking to send a message that tests the pride of the defending champs.
GAME OF THE WEAK: Milwaukee at Orlando, Nov. 14. The rosters of these teams feature 16 players 23 or younger, including four teenagers. They also feature no All-Stars and just one player making eight figures (Larry Sanders).
TWO MINUTES: The Clippers and Warriors resumed hostilities Wednesday. The Pacific Division rivals have had more than their fair share of scuffles over the last two seasons, and Los Angeles bounced Golden State from the playoffs last season in seven games. The lingering hatred for each other was evident from the get-go as Blake Griffin refused to shake hands with any of Golden State’s starters, and vice versa. But the Clippers didn’t make much of a stand thereafter, losing 121-104. “They are a better team right now, and by a lot,” Clippers coach Doc Rivers said. … The Pacers are 1-6. Last season, they didn’t suffer their sixth loss until New Year’s Day. … When the Bulls signed Pau Gasol in the offseason to team with Joakim Noah and Taj Gibson, many thought they had put together the best three-man big rotation in the NBA. While that may be true – the Clippers and Pelicans certainly have an argument – Chicago’s trio may have to start hitting the boards a little harder. Since blitzing the Knicks in their opener, the Bulls have been outrebounded in six straight games. They are 23rd in rebound percentage (.479) and 24th in rebound differential (minus 3.7). Both Gasol and Noah are averaging double digits. … In last Monday’s loss to Houston, Philadelphia made 16-of-23 free throws, while Rockets guard James Harden sank 17-of-18. “I was thrilled we shot more free throws as a team than James Harden,” cracked Sixers coach Brett Brown. … During the four seasons LeBron James was in Miami, the Hornets were 0-20 vs. the Heat, including playoffs. In its first game against Miami without James, Charlotte won. … Spurs coach Gregg Popovich has yet to lose to any of his former assistants. He is 4-0 against Orlando’s Jacque Vaughn, 3-0 vs. Atlanta’s Mike Budenholzer and 2-0 against Philadelphia’s Brett Brown. … When the Nuggets missed the playoffs last season for the first time since 2003, it was mostly attributed to a slew of season-ending injuries. But Denver (1-5) has descended to the bottom of the West and may just simply be bad. In a 131-109 loss at Sacramento on Wednesday, Cousins unloaded some trash talk on the Nuggets bench, and coach Brian Shaw was not happy with the lack of response from his players. “Nobody else took it personally,” he said. “The way I feel about that is if nobody wants to stand up to it, then we should get our butts kicked and we did. He should talk to us that way if we don’t have any professional pride as a group.” … Through seven games, the Rockets have scored 273 points on 3-pointers and 286 on 2-pointers. … An early bellwether for the Mavericks is the shooting of offseason acquisition Chandler Parsons. In Dallas’ four wins, Parsons is 26-of-55 overall and 7-of-18 from the arc. In its three losses, he is 8-of-32 and 1-of-11.
Trivia Answer: Erik Spoelstra and Flip Saunders each have four. … Happy 63rd Birthday in Heaven, Super John Williamson. … It would have been better if Charles Barkley promised not to talk until the Lakers won.
Chris Bernucca is the managing editor of SheridanHoops.com. His columns appear Monday during the season. You can follow him on Twitter.