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They say all good things must come to an end.
This is the final edition of the Most Improved Player Rankings and I—
I’m sorry … I … told myself I wasn’t going to cry. (sniffle)
It’s been an amazing run here at the Most Improved Player Rankings. We’ve talked about donut races, wildebeests, and Andy Enfield’s wife. We’ve made fun of just about every basketball announcer out there and also Jim Nantz.
But now it’s finally time to get down to the business of naming the NBA’s Most Improved Player.
I’ll admit it: I teared up a little last night.
When the buzzer sounded in Atlanta, and Louisville emerged as the NCAA champion, I was humbled by my own role in it all. After all, I’m not a hero. I’m just a man writing a column about the most improved players in the NBA.
But once again, I became the center of the basketball universe. I didn’t do any interviews because I wanted this moment to be about the players and the coaches, not me. Still, I’d be lying if I told you I wasn’t looking forward to when Rick Pitino calls and asks me for my ring size.
There are less than three weeks left in the NBA season. Three weeks. And I’m having a breakdown.
It’s up to me to rank the Most Improved Players in the league this season, but I might as well be tasked with coming up with the goofiest Lopez brother, the dumbest “Real World” contestant, or the craziest old lady on “The View.”
Here’s the thing: I just can’t decide which of the candidates have risen above the rest. There are so many players who have improved so much over the course of the season, it’s almost unfair to have to pick only one.
And yet I must. It’s not a charge I take lightly. I swore an oath when I took this column. Either that, or I’ve been watching too many episodes of Game of Thrones. (I’ve been proofreading this column in an English accent).
Either way, I decided to write down the case for each of the candidates. Because talking (or writing) is often the best therapy:
The case for Nikola Vucevic: The Vucevator began as a bench player in Philly and has become a double-double machine in Orlando, averaging 12.5 points and 11.5 rebounds this season. He came from nowhere, and he’s become a solid young center with All-Star potential. He’s had some monster games, and ranks third in the league in rebounding.
The case for Omer Asik: He went from stiff to starter and incredibly productive big man, emerging as a rebounding virtuoso in Houston, averaging 11.6 per game. He was also a borderline All-Star and ranks second in the league in rebounding.
The case for Paul George: He’s everyone’s favorite, and has stepped up and become the alpha dog on one of the best teams in the East, and maybe one of four teams who wouldn’t get absolutely steamrolled by the Heat in the playoffs.
The case for Jrue Holiday: The Jruth arguably has had the best season of anyone on this list. He’s in the top 10 in scoring and assists, and has singlehandedly carried the Sixers this season, although not very far. And he was arguably the best player on this list last season, too.
The case for Greivis Vasquez: The Hornets made his case pretty well, putting together this montage for Greivis. It looks like a movie reel. You’ve got to admire their dedication.
The case for Kemba Walker: He went from adequate player on a crappy team to terrific player on a crappy team. He’s been a big-time scorer for the Bobcats this season, and without him, they probably would have won three games this season.
The case for Larry Sanders: He went from buried on the bench to starting and becoming one of the league’s best defensive players. His offensive numbers also have greatly improved, as he put up 24 points to go with 13 rebounds in a Monday win over Charlotte.
Honestly, all of these guys have a legitimate claim to the throne award. But only one will win. Unless two of them win, and it’s a co-Most Improved Player Award. But then they’d have to give out two trophies. So I think it’s just going to be one.
As it stands right now, one man has risen above the rest. I chose him because of how irrelevant he was last year, and how much of a force he’s become today.
You will find out his name soon enough. Actually, why don’t we just take a look now? Yeah, that sounds good. Well actually, let’s wait until the next line break.
On to the rankings.
If you know the difference between a basketball and a bocce ball, you know that upstart Florida Gulf Coast has come out of absolutely nowhere to capture the nation’s attention and become the first 15-seed in NCAA history to advance to the Sweet 16.
What does this have to do with the Most Improved Player Rankings? Well, FGCU coach Andy Enfield called his team “the most improved team in the nation.” You know that caught our attention. That. of course, and Enfield’s wife.
Anyway, it’s great to be a part of the biggest story in basketball this week.
With that said, we’re down to the Final Four in the Most Improved Player Madness! Everyone is bursting with excitement to see who is going to take home the title!
It’s time for Week 3 of the Greatest Fake Tournament in the history of sports columns. Let’s get right to the games, with Gus Johnson and Bill Raftery on the call.
GUS JOHNSON: Welcome back to Most Improved Player Madness. I’m Gus Johnson alongside Bill Raftery, and Bill, It’s been a thrilling tournament so far, and it has left our readers completely speechless. They can’t even click on the link because of all of the spontaneous excitement. I’m so happy I gave up announcing the NCAA Tournament for this.
BILL RAFTERY: Gus Johnson, this tournament matches up the most improved players in the NBA MANDAMAN!!!
GUS: Let’s get right to the bracket as we’re down to the Elite Eight. First, the Kevin Duckworth Region where top-seeded Paul George is taking on Larry Sanders in the most anticipated game I’ve called since Purdue-Iowa on the Big Ten Network!!!
1. Paul George vs.
2. Larry Sanders
GUS: This one went down to the wire, as these two powerhouses of personal improvement went at it.
RAFTERY: They’re beasts of betterment!! Experts in enhancement!!
GUS: But Sanders is from VCU, and the fighting Rams always come to play in the tournament. This one goes down to the wire and OHHH!!!!!!! IT’S SANDERS WITH THE UPSET!!!!!! BIG FELLA!!! HAHAHA!!!!!
RAFTERY: Pace yourself, Gus.
BARROS REGION
1. Jrue Holiday vs.
2. Chandler Parsons
GUS: Parsons has been impressive in this tournament so far, but Holiday shakes and bakes his way into the Final Four!!!
RAFTERY: The BLOWBY!! Leave a little lingerie on the deck, Gus! OOH!!
GUS: What?
MURESAN REGION
5. LeBron James vs.
2. Greivis Vasquez
GUS: LeBron has made a once-in-a-lifetime run in this bracket. It almost reminds me of when Michael Jordan made the run in the 1991 Most Improved Player Tournament despite being the greatest player in the world. But Greivis is so improved, he makes All-Natural 7-Up look like regular 7-Up. This one is a tight battle all the way to the finish. How can anyone’s attention possibly be diverted right now?
CHARLES BARKLEY: Hey hot dog guy!
GUS: Charles, where did you come from? Anyway, here’s Greivis, he rises and fires for the win!!!!!! OHHHHH!!!
RAFTERY: ONIONS!!!!!!!!
BARKLEY: ONIONS!!!! Can I get some onions on that? And some cheese…
SEIKALY REGION
1. Nikola Vucevic vs.
2. Kemba Walker
GUS: Down to the wire again here. Walker down one with a second to go. He goes to his patented step baaaaaack…VUCEVIC BLOCKS IT!!!! OHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (inaudible) YOUNG FELLA!!!!!!!! HAHAHAA!!! FINAL FOUR (Explosion)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Final Four is set, and Gus, Bill and Charles will be back with more madness next week (if we can find Gus in the wake of the explosion).
For now, it’s on to the rankings.
