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And now, as we slip behind the moon …
Even with the Heat at 23 in a row in their pursuit of the 1971-72 Lakers’ record of 33, this is the point of the NBA season where the league goes into eclipse, behind the NCAA Tournament.
In case you can’t find the Heat scores, you can put them down for 27 now with the next four against Cleveland, Detroit, Charlotte and Orlando. Or not?
Try “not.”
It’s time for Week 3 of the Greatest Fake Tournament in the history of sports columns. Let’s get right to the games, with Gus Johnson and Bill Raftery on the call.
GUS JOHNSON: Welcome back to Most Improved Player Madness. I’m Gus Johnson alongside Bill Raftery, and Bill, It’s been a thrilling tournament so far, and it has left our readers completely speechless. They can’t even click on the link because of all of the spontaneous excitement. I’m so happy I gave up announcing the NCAA Tournament for this.
BILL RAFTERY: Gus Johnson, this tournament matches up the most improved players in the NBA MANDAMAN!!!
GUS: Let’s get right to the bracket as we’re down to the Elite Eight. First, the Kevin Duckworth Region where top-seeded Paul George is taking on Larry Sanders in the most anticipated game I’ve called since Purdue-Iowa on the Big Ten Network!!!
1. Paul George vs.
2. Larry Sanders
GUS: This one went down to the wire, as these two powerhouses of personal improvement went at it.
RAFTERY: They’re beasts of betterment!! Experts in enhancement!!
GUS: But Sanders is from VCU, and the fighting Rams always come to play in the tournament. This one goes down to the wire and OHHH!!!!!!! IT’S SANDERS WITH THE UPSET!!!!!! BIG FELLA!!! HAHAHA!!!!!
RAFTERY: Pace yourself, Gus.
BARROS REGION
1. Jrue Holiday vs.
2. Chandler Parsons
GUS: Parsons has been impressive in this tournament so far, but Holiday shakes and bakes his way into the Final Four!!!
RAFTERY: The BLOWBY!! Leave a little lingerie on the deck, Gus! OOH!!
GUS: What?
MURESAN REGION
5. LeBron James vs.
2. Greivis Vasquez
GUS: LeBron has made a once-in-a-lifetime run in this bracket. It almost reminds me of when Michael Jordan made the run in the 1991 Most Improved Player Tournament despite being the greatest player in the world. But Greivis is so improved, he makes All-Natural 7-Up look like regular 7-Up. This one is a tight battle all the way to the finish. How can anyone’s attention possibly be diverted right now?
CHARLES BARKLEY: Hey hot dog guy!
GUS: Charles, where did you come from? Anyway, here’s Greivis, he rises and fires for the win!!!!!! OHHHHH!!!
RAFTERY: ONIONS!!!!!!!!
BARKLEY: ONIONS!!!! Can I get some onions on that? And some cheese…
SEIKALY REGION
1. Nikola Vucevic vs.
2. Kemba Walker
GUS: Down to the wire again here. Walker down one with a second to go. He goes to his patented step baaaaaack…VUCEVIC BLOCKS IT!!!! OHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (inaudible) YOUNG FELLA!!!!!!!! HAHAHAA!!! FINAL FOUR (Explosion)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Final Four is set, and Gus, Bill and Charles will be back with more madness next week (if we can find Gus in the wake of the explosion).
For now, it’s on to the rankings.
I know that the Miami Heat don’t really have a free agent of consequence this coming offseason. But if they did, he would probably need to have a spot in our weekly Top 15 “just because.”
After erasing a 17-point first half deficit and a 13-point deficit in the fourth quarter, the Heat overcame Jeff Green’s career-high 43 points and extended their winning streak to 23 games. Now, 30 is actually in sight. The second-best NBA winning streak of all time merits kudos everywhere, so here is my hat tip.
But back to the teams that actually matter for our rankings.
Frank Vogel conceded the Eastern Conference to the Miami Heat on Saturday night prior to his Indiana Pacers’ loss to the Philadelphia 76ers, stating the obvious — there is no hope of catching LeBron James and Co. for the No. 1 seed.
This came one day after Pacers point guard George Hill, an Indianapolis native, criticized the local fans because so many of them were cheering for the Lakers during their visit to Bankers Life Fieldhouse on Friday night.
You look southward in the Eastern standings and you see one train wreck after another …
The Knicks go into their Sunday matinee against the Clippers without Carmelo Anthony, who flew back to New York after his long-awaited alumni game against the Denver Nuggets to have his knee drained. Amare Stoudemire is out for the rest of the regular season, and options 1 and 1A are J.R. Smith chucking 3-pointers. Are they going out in the first round again?
Boston and/or Brooklyn can catch the Knicks for first place in the Atlantic Division if New York’s three-month stretch of mediocrity continues, and nobody out there can be taken as a serious threat to win 4 of 7 against David Stern’s secret favorite SuperTeam, according to Danny Schayes.
we should all begin asking ourselves the question: Will the Miami Heat lose a single game in the Eastern Conference playoffs? The historical significance of their 22-game winning streak following Sunday’s pull-away victory at Toronto is astounding — as is James’ numbers during the streak compared to what other top-tier superstars did for their teams during winning streaks of 19 games or more.
Here is the thing about the Heat that people need to start taking notice of …
Chris Andersen is the missing link (and yes, you can take that statement many ways). I was in Philadelphia on Wednesday night for Miami’s 20th consecutive victory, and I got there 3 hours early after making a pit stop at Rutgers to speak to journalism students. With time to kill, I sat on the Heat’s bench and watched the two players who were on the court getting up a ton of early shots. One was Mario Chalmers, who was sporting a pair of too cool green Spalding sneakers, and the other was Birdman, who was practicing 18-foot jump shots and nailing one after another after another after another … He did it for a full hour. Same shot.
We already knew Andersen was very good at getting tattoos, blocking shots, changing the rules of the Slam Dunk Contest and battling for rebounds. But who knew the fella had a mid-range game? All season long the talk has been that Miami is vulnerable in one area — on the boards where Chris Bosh had been their only effective big man.
But Birdman has changed that equation since playing his first game for Miami on Jan. 25, and it should not go unmentioned that despite never playing more than 18 minutes a game over his 24 games, the Heat have gone 23-1. Over the last 11 games, he is shooting 24-for-36 with 37 rebounds, never logging more than 17 minutes.
Again, he is the missing link. Udonis Haslem is too old and ineffective, Juwan Howard is an unneeded, unusable dinosaur, Dexter Pittman has been traded and Joel Anthony is never going to be a game-changer. Birdman will be. Mark my words.
On to the ranks …
It’s amazing what an injury to a single player, especially a star player, can do to the entirety of a 15-man roster. Recent injuries to the likes of Lakers superstar Kobe Bryant, Celtics point guard Rajon Rondo and Knicks forwards Carmelo Anthony and Amar’e Stoudemire have raised serious questions about how these teams cope without indespensable players.
Some of the NBA’s best sixth men are trying to take full advantage of these very situations.
What can be especially amazing about a star-driven league like the NBA is how many routes and attitudes a team can take when dealing with adversity. Teams either struggle to find their identity without their fallen teammate, similar to the situation J.R. Smith and the Knicks have experienced. Others, such as Jeff Green and the Celtics, see an injury to a big-time player as a chance for them to step up and contribute more.
