You all know what I, U.S. citizen Kels Dayton, think of the most impact players in the NBA in those two categories. And while my opinion is certainly meaningful and important, I am but one citizen in this great nation.
I’m also an informed citizen who likes to make informed decisions when it comes to politics. And with the race for President heating up, I felt like this issue hasn’t been getting enough national attention. I mean, if our next president is truly going to improve our nation, shouldn’t he or she be able to recognize significant improvement when they see it?
With that in mind, I asked the presidential candidates for their opinion on who is the Most Improved Player in the NBA.
Compare their answers, and then be sure to use this valuable information when making your decision in the upcoming primaries:
Donald Trump: “Well, obviously to improve, that means you weren’t very good before. And I have been very good all my life at everything. So, I don’t know if I’m qualified to give you an answer on this, but I will give you an answer, because that’s what presidents have to do when they get in office, and I am very presidential. So, with all that being said, I think that Megyn Kelly is ugly and I would have to go with CJ McCollum. He went to Lehigh, very bright kid. And we have to keep the Most Improved Player Award in America. Can’t let Danilo–what’s his name–Danilo Gallinotti–Gallinavi? Gallinari. Right, Gallinari. We can’t let him get it. We can’t lose out to Italy or China or Canada, you know, where Ted Cruz is from. The NBA gives out awards because basketball is an American game, and actually, we should just build a wall to keep all foreigners out of the league until we all know what the hell is going on here. I’m sorry if that impacts Kristaps Porzingis and the Knicks, but hey, what do we really know about Latvia? Or this guy Pekovic. Have you seen him?
Ted Cruz: “Well guys, I probably shouldn’t say this, but I just heard that Draymond Green is dropping out of the race. He’s dropping out of the race right now, he’s going back to Florida and quitting the Warriors. We just heard it from his campaign manager–er–agent. And let’s face it, this is a probably a good thing. Draymond plays in the Bay Area, and we all know about San Francisco values, right? (winks) So uh, I think we all would agree that I should win the award, right? I mean, I greatly improved the state of Texas when I– (Ben Carson punches him in the face).
Hillary Clinton: Most Improved Player? Well, this week it has to be CJ McCollum right? I mean, last week, I would have gone with Draymond Green, and I think the week before I would’ve said (confers with staff) Draymond Green still. What do you think? Who’s your favorite player? Because that guy is improved. Let me tell ya. Hahahaa. I’ve always liked that guy. And women, we love that guy, too, because women understand the challenges that go into his game. Right, women? Right everyone? Vote for me, please.
Bernie Sanders: Well, first off I just want to say that BALL IS LIFE. And being the ballah that I am and have been for the past 73 years in the Senate, I think GAME recognize GAME. But that BEING SAID, there is no reason why the most ELITE most improved playah candidates should win this award. Who says I can’t love the top 1 percent? It’s time to take back the Most Improved award from 5th Avenue and Secaucus, New Jersey. If I am elected PRESIDENT, I would MELT down the gold from the Most Improved Playah trophy and redistribute it in the form of bonds to the AMERICAN PEOPLE so that our college kids can awl pay back their student loans!!!
(Massive applause, followed by 75,000 Facebook posts from your outspoken friends who like Bernie Sanders and didn’t even notice that he picked nobody, once again coming up short on detailed specifics).
OK, that was fun, right everyone? Now we know where all of the candidates stand.
All right, now let’s move on to the–
Jeb Bush: (Looks around) Uh, what about me?
Oh crap. Sorry. Forgot about you, Jeb. Damn. I don’t know how that happened.
Jeb Bush: I’m still a candidate, right? (Looks around for confirmation)
Yes, Jeb. I apologize. Who would you say is the Most Improved Player this year?
Jeb Bush: (Brief look of terror) Kanye Jordan. (Looks around)
Uhh–I’m not sure you understood the question, Jeb. See–
Jeb Bush: Clap, please. Just clap now. Everybody. (Applause)
Jeb Bush: On to the rankings!
1. CJ McCollum, G, Blazers: McCollum reclaims the top spot after treating the NBA like the Patriot League over the past few weeks. CJ dropped 30 in Portland’s win over the Bucks on Feb. 2, and he’s become downright pesky in the backcourt, averaging 2.2 steals per game this month. He’s a big reason why the surging Blazers have climbed up to the No. 7 spot in the West, far exceeding preseason expectations. It moves him into the No. 1 spot this edition. He’s rising like Kasich.
2. Draymond Green, F, Warriors: All right let’s be honest–at the beginning of the year, if I told you Draymond was going to become an All-Star for the first time, average 7.2 assists per game, shoot 42% from 3 and 48% overall, and record 10 triple-doubles by the All-Star break, I mean…would you really have been that surprised? Yes, this dude is one of the most improved players in the league this year by the numbers, but are we really all that shocked at his ascension, considering the way he played at the end of last year (13.7 ppg, 10 rpg, 5.2 apg in the playoffs)? I think not, and that’s why he’s in at No. 2, behind McCollum.
3. Danilo Gallinari, F, Nuggets: Gallo had been cruising like an Italian sports car through the month of February, averaging 25 points per game until hitting a 3-for-14 speedbump against Detroit. (Metaphors for days, son). He scored 24 at Utah, 33 in a bizarre comeback win over Chicago and 24 in a buzzer-beating loss to the Nets. This kid is trending upward, and he’s one of a few nice pieces the Nuggets have collected and hung onto.
4. Will Barton, G, Nuggets: Speaking of pieces, how about Will Barton, who also leads our Sixth Man Rankings? The wiry, 6-6 small forward has a little bit of Jamal Crawford in his game, but also rebounds well (6 per) and can take it to the rack. Barton is averaging 15.7 ppg for the month, and is shooting a searing-hot 53%.
5. Kent Bazemore, G, Hawks: The former all-world towel-waver is back in our rankings this week after a couple of weeks’ absence. One of the things that makes the Old Dominion product great is his competitiveness, and his willingness to do whatever Atlanta needs on a given night. On Feb. 5 against Indiana, he scored 15 and dished out 8 assists. Two nights later, Baze went for 23 points and 8 boards against the Magic, then came back and ripped 13 rebounds against Orlando the next night. Kent Plays-more (see what we did there) has started 43 games for the Hawks this year, compared with 10 last season. (Sorry for the pun—been watching too much Shaq on TNT).
ALSO FROM KELS DAYTON: SIXTH MAN RANKINGS